just sayin'

...this is a new phrase (thought i'd "go" with it)... as i look over my blog and contemplate it at night - i think how precious it is, and how i anxiously await manipulating all of the exciting, intricate, wonderful details into a book. i made digital books for my wedding, honeymoon and the first 6 months of braxton's life... and then i started this blog! my friend, kristen (many of you know), convinced me to do this for distant relatives and because it would be an easy scrapbook! AND, she is right. it's been so much fun to do this and read comments and know that people are "keeping up" with the chaplin crew. BUT, i've also come to realize that it is a false depiction of our reality. yes, i've posted pictures of my self disheveled and unadorned with make up or jewelry ... BUT, i also sift through pictures and post the most becoming images of my children, husband and self when applicable. let me get to the point. i am a stay at home mom, with three children, a tutor in the evenings, with a husband works incredibly hard to care for us all...a beautiful home, a great van (yes, i drive a mini van), and so many other blessings i can't begin to describe...we are debt free (other than our mortgage) "PRAISE GOD" - we couldn't live this way otherwise! still, life is overwhelming at times. an almost three year old boy is 'off the handle' most of the time with his energy and excitement and need to be in control of his environment. our two sweet little baby girls love routine and desire their beds at each scheduled nap hour and are not ashamed to let you know when/what they need. we go through each day relying on God to answer prayers for discipline, patience and self control (most of those are for me)! some days end with my need to retire my motherhood - at least until they cry out for me - either in the middle of the night or in the morning. i am more tired now than EVER. yes, it's hard to believe - all of those months of sleepless nights of crying, changing diapers, nursing, etc... i'm still more tired in the evenings than ever. i get overwhelmed, i get angry, i lose my temper, i spank and i yell...these are the things that my life can't stand. i've been praying daily about these (a friend of mine disclosed this information to me, too, years ago and said these were the sins with which she was struggling). then, i thought to myself, REALLY? that's it? those are sins? But now, I GET IT. Yes, they are sins. i struggle, too, it's hard work! being a mother is the hardest work i've ever done in my life - WHY didn't someone warn me? the cries and tantrums grate on my nerves and then my son with all his ALMOST three year old wisdom knows everything and definitely vocalizes his opinion on everything. ***side note: the other day, he wanted something to drink, and i said, "ok, you can have water." he then yells, "NO, not water, juice." (or milk, or whatever he wanted at the time.) i looked at him and said "excuse me?" he replied, "i was just screaming at you." ~~~ "ummm, yes, you were. that is unacceptable!!!!" (funny, but not).*** i am doing my best - with the help of my creator - to be the mother He has called me to be. but i wonder why sometimes He chose me to be the mother of 3 under 3. He continues to be faithful and my days are getting much better, my anger is controlled when i realize it's my need for control that is creating my lack of control :) i stop and pray - A LOT - and it's working. i take time to relax and evaluate the situation before spanking and i speak in a calm voice rather than yelling! i am still a work in progress. all of this to say - my life is not 'picture perfect' as i attempt to portray on this blog. my children do cry and throw fits - i do yell and make MANY mistakes - but i do realize that although some of this is just the stage of life we are in, i also realize that i am in a stage where God is seeking to refine me! it's ok to admit you're not ok! it's ok to lean on The One who knows you best. and it's ok to tell your blog family about all of your drama... "i'm just sayin'"